Finding Our Roots: Notes on an Impossible Meeting

“Ultra-Platypus is here to embrace the degeneration.”

A few friends met in Chicago this weekend to attend a workshop titled: “The Left is Dead”: “Ultra-Cutronism” and the “Anarcho-Autonomous” Milieu

The intended discussion (”Ultra-Platypus has been trying to figure out what this anarcho-autonomous milieu is”) was not to be had, for the Platypii caught wind of their own flatulence, though for once the stench was too hefty for them as they saw the modified “Ultra” attached and came running. The Platypii showed up in two large groups, one in the back left corner of 6 or 12 people (they all sat close and huddled together, but as more than half the room was immensely boring I wasn’t sure who was simulacra of leftist Platypii or not) and one in the front right corner of 3 others (they came in late). Throwing eye and hand gestures from back corner to front right corner of the room, whispering amongst their small circles, all to try to make the most ideological correct response at the oedipal moment when the name of the father (Platypus or Cutrone) is disgraced.

And disgraced it was, as the presentation, to the chagrin of anyone with a serious intent to revive the corpse of the left, was utterly absurd, hilarious, and a well-performed satire. As the slideshow of riot porn, naked boys, and S&M photos were rolling, the presentation switched from discussing the Tarnac 9, to violent denunciations of the leftists we still are (”We’re meager and pathetic.”), the three point program and strategy (see above), and a general silence and defiance from the presenter who knew to not engage with the Platypii on their own loopy ideological circular dialogue for any reason whatsoever.

Some snippets of words spoken by the presenter: “Demand for total social revolution falls flat…My individual actions do nothing…Our greatest hindrance to experimentation is the left…” and “What to do with your friend networks?…abnormality… Exert power. Be strategic…Build a war-machine…Attack the Left.”

Coining a non-existent splinter group only to see the Platypii show up was partly expected, it was their big day to show how smart they were! Well, to be honest, we actually knew they were coming from the stupid listserv discussions they were having. The Platypii showed up, went on a power trip, made everyone a little too tense, asked for a critique, and were answered by the presenter in a show of eloquence: “No, I do not give a fuck about Platypus."
excerpted from Principia Dialectica

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